Are You Being Pushed by Pain or Pulled by Your Vision?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what actually makes us change. Not what the books tell us should motivate us, or what we write on our vision boards, but what finally gets us to do something differently. And I realized that for a lot of my life, I haven’t necessarily been pulled toward what I wanted. I’ve been pushed by what I didn’t want anymore.

Don’t get me wrong – I have made some incredible changes with this method and done some things that very few have done. But I have just moved into a new decade – now that I am 33 and 7 days old, I want to upgrade my happiness and that means upgrading my strategy. A brand new climb!

We leave the job when we absolutely cannot stand another Monday morning. We finally take our health seriously when our body starts screaming louder than our excuses. We set the boundary after we’re completely exhausted from saying yes. We change the relationship, the habit, the business or the way we’re living because eventually staying where we are becomes more painful than changing it.

And pain can be a great motivator. Sometimes we need the kick in the ass. Sometimes something has to get uncomfortable enough for us to finally pay attention. But I’m starting to wonder if pain is supposed to wake us up, not become the fuel we use for the rest of our lives.

Because what if we didn’t have to wait until something was unbearable before we gave ourselves permission to change it?

I think a lot of us have accidentally learned that we need a good enough reason to want something different. The job has to be awful. The relationship has to be broken. Our health has to scare us. We have to be completely burned out, miserable or fed up before we can justify making a change. But what if nothing is terribly wrong? What if your life is actually pretty good…and you still want more?

You’re allowed to want something different simply because you’ve grown. You’re allowed to want to feel stronger, happier, more alive, more challenged, more peaceful or more free. You don’t need a crisis to give you permission. Sometimes you’ve simply outgrown a version of your life that once fit you perfectly.

And that’s where I think vision changes everything.

I am intentionally creating a vision now to be pulled to instead of letting suffering be the driver – what that actually means on a daily basis – have a vision of how you want your health, love, wealth and self expression/purpose to be – close your eyes and envision what a perfect day looks like for you.

Instead of asking, What am I trying to get away from? We start asking, What am I moving toward? 

Pain says, “I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” Vision says, “This is how I want to feel.” Pain says, “I can’t keep living like this.” Vision says, “This is how I want to live.” One is about escaping. The other is about creating.

Of course, then comes the slightly annoying part: we actually have to do something. I have spent enough years reading books, setting goals, making vision boards, researching motivation and waiting for very obvious signs from the universe to know that apparently we are also required to participate in creating the life we want. Very inconvenient.

But maybe it doesn’t have to be some massive transformation. Maybe it’s simply making more decisions based on where we’re going instead of where we’ve been. Taking the walk. Having the conversation. Setting the boundary. Starting the thing. Saying no. Saying yes. Trying before we know exactly how it will turn out.

That’s self-trust. And those tiny decisions are how a vision eventually becomes a life.

Maybe we don’t always need another rock bottom, wake-up call or painful lesson. Maybe we just need to become more connected to what we’re creating. Because when the future becomes compelling enough, we stop needing the present to become unbearable before we’re willing to move.

So I’ve started asking myself a different question: Am I making this choice because I’m trying to escape something I don’t want, or because I’m creating something I do?

Pain might be what wakes us up. But I think vision is what moves us forward.

And maybe the real Lifeswerve happens when we stop waiting for life to hurt enough to change it—and simply decide that where we’re going matters more.

Inspired by The School of Greatness episode with Michael B. Beckwith and Lewis Howes.

- Kim