Eldest Child Energy, Self-Doubt, and Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be

You’d think by your mid-thirties you’d have things all figured out. Confidence, clarity, direction… all nicely folded and stored in the *emotional filing cabinet*. But somehow, for me, it’s been quite the opposite.

I had more confidence when I was younger. I was so much bolder. Less filtered. I’d take lots of risks, try things, speak up - all with the irritatingly stubborn energy of someone who had no idea what could go wrong. Now, with more experience, more knowledge, and more life under my belt... I hesitate. I overthink. I DOUBT.

And of course - if you hadn’t guessed already - I am the eldest child.

Oh yes, the OG. The original. The *responsible* one. The overachiever. The fixer. The one who’s always supposed to “know better.”

From a young age I was expected to lead. Set the “good” example for my siblings. Be the role model. When you grow up with that kind of pressure, your identity becomes so intertwined with being capable. You don’t just strive for excellence - you become addicted to it. You don’t rest. You perform. Constantly.

But when perfection becomes your baseline, you stop giving yourself permission to just be. To grow. To struggle. And when the inevitable cracks begin to form - burnout, stress, imposter syndrome - you don’t know how to ask for help. You just try to carry more.

That strategy somewhat worked for a while. Until it just didn’t.

Between a high-expectation upbringing, a competitive sports background, a people-focused career, and (oh yeah) a global pandemic, I’ve been working on a lot of internal cleanup. Somewhere along the way, I started to feel the weight of knowing too much and trusting myself too little.

It’s like, the more I learned about people, the world, and life… the harder it became to believe in my own instincts. I’ve sat with so many others’ issues that I forgot to check in with my own. The outside kept functioning, but on the inside I’ve just felt a little lost.

That’s when I realized that this isn’t just about confidence. It’s about alignment.

Over the last year or so, I’ve started shifting my focus — not toward becoming someone new, but toward becoming more fully myself. Less about achieving for approval. More about thriving for me.

It’s a full lifestyle transformation — slow, intentional, and deeply rooted in mind, body, and purpose.

I’m learning (emphasis on the learning part) to quiet the inner critic that sounds like a really disappointed coach. I reflect. I breathe deeply (and not just shallowly at my desk, but REALLY breathe). I let myself ask, “What do I want?” — not just “What’s expected of me?” Confidence isn’t all about being certain. It’s about trusting that I can handle whatever comes my way, even if I don’t have all the answers.

My body used to be something I pushed, sculpted, criticized – and don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with trying to navigate all 3 of these – but now, I aim to partner with my body. That means movement that feels good, rest that’s intentional, food that fuels rather than punishes. It means appreciating what my body does, not just how it looks. Self-respect, not self-perfection.

I’m so done chasing gold stars. Now, I yearn for purpose and meaning. That doesn’t mean quitting my job to go live on an isolated tropical island (although that sounds lovely and is quite tempting). It means doing work that connects, being present in my relationships, showing up for myself even when it’s messy. I want to live a life that feels aligned with who I am and not who I was told to be.

I used to think “becoming your best self” meant doing more, proving more, achieving more. Now, I’m realizing it might mean doing less - but with more intention.

Less pretending. More presence.
Less pressure. More purpose.
Less overthinking. More living.

And to my fellow eldest children… If you’re carrying around the invisible backpack of responsibility, perfectionism, and people-pleasing - you’re definitely not alone. If your confidence has quietly eroded beneath layers of doing-it-all - I see you. If you're finally choosing to put yourself on the list, not at the bottom but near the top – hello there, and welcome.

We’re allowed to evolve. We’re allowed to rewrite our stories. You don’t have to be who you were expected to be. You can be who you’re meant to be.

And that version? Well, that version is strong, kind, balanced, and free. And that version isn’t afraid to start over — stronger this time.

-Carly