Emotional Safety Isn't Someone Else's Job

There should be an Olympic event for the stories we make up in our heads.

You know the ones. "They didn't text me back because they're mad." "If they loved me, they'd know exactly what I need." I’d definitely win a gold medal.

The last few weeks have stretched me in ways I never could have imagined. Big emotions. Hard conversations. Long days. Little sleep. Somewhere between hospital hallways, many prayers and Good Earth snacks; I realized something that completely surprised me. Emotional safety isn't created by everyone around me behaving in the way I wish they would. It's created by how I choose to respond instead of react. Full stop, end of story. If I choose to listen with empathy and consider that 2 or more things can be true at the same time (yes, I said it again 😊) then I have a better chance to respond with grace. It’s nowhere near perfect – trust me.

Somewhere along the way, many of us were handed an invisible, DUMB instruction manual. Be kind, but not too loud. Be strong, but don't intimidate anyone. Be emotional, but not too emotional. Stay calm. Smile more. Don't make people uncomfortable. It's exhausting. The truth is, emotional safety doesn't come from shrinking ourselves so everyone else feels comfortable. It comes from trusting ourselves enough to feel what we're feeling without handing the steering wheel to our emotions. Responding isn't suppressing. It's pausing long enough to ask, "Who do I want to be in this moment?" instead of letting the fear answer.

More than anything, I've realized that I am responsible for my own emotional safety. Not my partner. Not my children. Not my family. Not my friends. Just me. And the relationship I have with something bigger than myself—my higher self, God, the Divine, the Universe, the Creator...whatever name you give it. That's where my peace comes from. That's where my courage lives. Self-trust isn't believing life won't knock you on your butt. It's believing that when it does, you'll find your way back to yourself – sometimes even a better self.

- Kim