Living Your Values… Once You Actually Figure Out What They Are

Let’s talk about values—those mysterious little words we claim to “live by,” even though half of us couldn’t list more than two without Googling “What are good values for adults?” Don’t worry, you’re not alone.  I sorted this out when I realized I didn’t have mine intact after lecturing my daughter – authenticity and courage for me, by the way! Most of us weren’t taught to identify our values; we were taught to “be nice,” “don’t be loud,” and “clean your plate even if you’re full.” Which is how many of us ended up saying yes when we meant no, tolerating nonsense we don’t have time for, and wondering why our life feels like someone else’s Pinterest board.

Here’s the truth: values are simply the rules your soul wants you to live by – personally and professionally. They’re the things that make you feel aligned, energized, proud, and peaceful. They’re also the things that, when you ignore them, make you want to scream into a pillow or buy a plane ticket to Thailand. For some people, a value might be freedom. For others, connection. You’re allowed to have whatever values make your life easier to live.

But how do you figure out your values? Easy. Ask yourself two questions:

1. What makes me feel alive?
2. What makes me feel gross?

That’s it. The alive things point you toward your values. The gross things show you exactly where you’re betraying them. If saying yes to a last-minute favour from a coworker feels gross… hello, your value is probably respect for your time. If spending the morning walking in nature makes you feel alive… meet your value: connection to self. Values aren’t complicated—we just make them complicated so we can procrastinate life.

Once you know your values, the trick is to actually live them, personally and professionally. That means:

• Set boundaries that protect your values. If you value calm, stop saying yes to chaos.
• Make decisions through your “values filter.” (Does this align? If not, it’s a no.)
• Communicate your values out loud. People aren’t mind readers—though some act like they are.
• Stop apologizing for who you are. Living your values isn’t selfish; abandoning them is.

Here’s your Lifeswerve homework (don’t worry, it’s fun):

1. Write down 5 things that make you feel alive and 5 things that make you feel gross.
2. Pull out the values hiding in those lists.
3. Pick one value and spend the next 24 hours making decisions based ONLY on that value.
4. Notice how much lighter life feels when you stop living someone else’s script.

Living your values isn’t about perfection—it’s about paying attention. And once you start doing that, everything else starts clicking into place. You’ve got this.

- Kim