The Monsters in our Head (and Why They’re Never as Big as They Seem)

By midlife, most of us have survived some serious stuff — career changes, heartbreaks, health scares, family dramas, and that one regrettable protein cookie experiment 😊. We’ve proven, time and again, that we can handle life’s big challenges and we have the wisdom and resilience to prove it! Yet somehow, there’s still that one thing — the fear we quietly feed until it grows into a massive, hairy, imaginary monster in our minds. Maybe it’s the thought of leaving a “safe” job to do something meaningful. Maybe it’s finalizing the breakup. Or maybe it’s finally stepping into the version of you that feels… too big, too bold, too much.

But here’s the truth: our monsters are rarely as bad as they seem. When we finally face them — take the first step, start the conversation, or simply move toward what scares us — we usually discover they’re way more awkward than awful. The build-up in our minds is what creates the fear, not the action itself. The story and aftermath that we tell ourselves is far more frightening than the experience we actually live through.

The fantastic Dr. Joe Dispenza breaks this down beautifully in his book “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.” I love Dr. Joe and this title – this book changed my life. He explains that the brain doesn’t know the difference between imagination and reality — meaning, when we repeatedly picture worst-case scenarios, our body reacts as if they’re actually happening. We live inside a fear-based movie of our own making. The way to change it? Catch the pattern. Change the thought. Then take one small, brave step in the opposite direction. That’s how you rewire your brain from fear to flow.  We all want to be in the flow!

Try this: name your monster. Give it a ridiculous name like Doubtful Debbie or Frankie Finances. Then do one tiny thing that monster would absolutely hate — post that video, schedule that meeting, say “yes” to the opportunity. The moment you act, the illusion breaks. The monster shrinks. You realize that most of the fear wasn’t out there — it was in here – in you! 

I have done so much inquiry into why I do certain things and have changed so much in my life, but have been working on clearing the last monster... every small action I take chips away at the vision and turns the monster into a bunny rabbit.

So this week, when that familiar fear shows up whispering “don’t,” smile at it. You’ve faced bigger things and walked away stronger. Let your energy move, your courage rise, and your frequency flow. Because once you flick on the light in your mind shadows, you’ll see the truth: the monster was never real — and you’ve been the brave one all along.

- Kim