When Life Sucker Punches You: Dealing with Sudden Loss or Illness (Without Losing Yourself)

Life has a funny way of flipping the script just when we think we’ve finally memorized our lines. One minute you’re worried about whether your outfit is event appropriate, and the next, you’re sitting in a hospital waiting room wondering how the world kept spinning while yours tilted on its ass (I mean axis). Whether it’s the sudden diagnosis of a loved one, or the heartbreaking loss of someone who was supposed to be around forever—there’s no manual for this. Just a whole lot of feelings, gift baskets from neighbours, and awkward texts from people who mean well but say weird stuff like, “Everything happens for a reason.” (No offense, but sometimes the reason just sucks.)

First, let’s just say it: this is hard. Like, bone-deep, soul-shaking hard. If you're in early or mid-adulthood and your parent suddenly gets sick—or worse, passes away—it can feel like someone just hit "fast-forward" on the part of adulthood you never signed up for. Also, this is new territory for your friends and peers – they don’t have the wisdom or life-experience for this. And if you're the one supporting a friend through this? It can be just as disorienting. What do you say? What do you do? (Hint: just being there without fixing anything is more powerful than you think.)

Here’s what we know at Lifeswerve: grief isn’t something to conquer—it’s something to move with. Like an uncoordinated dance partner who steps on your toes but still insists you keep going. Let it hurt. Let yourself cry in the grocery store. Laugh unexpectedly. Forget things. Say the wrong thing. And if you’re the one watching someone else grieve? Don’t disappear because you’re uncomfortable. Show up. Bring snacks. Watch terrible TV together. Let them know it’s okay to not be okay.

One of the most powerful talks on this subject is Nora McInerny’s TED Talk, “We Don’t ‘Move On’ From Grief. We Move Forward With It.” Nora lost her husband, father, and unborn baby within weeks, and yet somehow manages to make you laugh through your tears. She reminds us that healing doesn’t mean forgetting, and joy can coexist with heartbreak. She’s the cool big sister of grief we all need.

So, whether you’re walking through your own storm or holding someone else’s umbrella while they cry in the rain, know this: you are not broken. You are human. And as humans, we get to keep loving, even when the people we love are gone. Remember to say all the things, share all the feelings while you and your loved ones are still here – time is the incredible gift and nothing or no one lasts forever. It’s the great equalizer.  And yes, there will be light again—probably starting with a text from your weird uncle or a song that hits at just the right time.

Until then, just breathe. Eat something warm. And let the people who love you carry you for a bit.

-Kim