Your Life Changes the Moment You Ask “How Will I Feel After?"

There’s a little game I play with myself almost every day – I sometimes forget about it and then things can fall off the rails. Funny – I thought it was my game until I heard a podcaster talk about it on the weekend – turns out I wasn’t so smart, but it’s a “game-changer” (pun intended). I call it “Before and After.” It sounds like a fitness infomercial from 1997, but honestly, it’s become one of the biggest tools in rebuilding self-trust in my life. Because whether it’s a workout, a scary project, a difficult conversation, or yes…a warm cinnamon bun with gooey cream cheese icing … I pause and ask myself one question: How will I feel after?

Not during. During, everything is terrible. During the workout, I’m questioning every life decision that led me to this pain. During the project, I suddenly believe I should move to a cabin in the Rockies and become a woman who just walks all day. During the cinnamon bun experience, it’s obviously magical. But the magic lasts approximately six minutes. “After” is where the truth lives. After the workout, I feel strong. After I push through fear and finish the thing, I feel relief, confidence, momentum. After I keep a promise to myself, even a tiny one, I trust myself more. And honestly? Self-trust is the whole game.

Because every time we quit on ourselves, delay our dreams, delay our deadlines for the hard stuff, or negotiate with the version of us that wants comfort over growth, we reinforce the old identity. The one that says, “I’ll start Monday.” The one that avoids discomfort. The one that stays stuck because stuck feels familiar. But every time we choose our evolving self — the future version of us — we support who we are becoming. One workout. One uncomfortable email. One brave conversation. One cinnamon bun declined in the name of peace, not punishment. Small actions build identity.

This isn’t about perfection. Sometimes I still eat the bun or the mini-eggs. Sometimes I skip the workout and call it “rest”. But the difference now is awareness. I ask myself, Am I acting like the person I say I want to become? That question alone changes everything.

Jay Shetty talks a lot about aligning your actions with your future self and creating habits that build inner peace instead of outer approval. It reminded me that courage isn’t always giant leaps. Sometimes courage is simply doing the thing you said you’d do after your brain spent two hours trying to convince you not to. So this week, try the “Before and After” game. Before you quit, avoid, scroll, snack, procrastinate, or back away from the thing you know you need to do — pause. Ask yourself honestly: How will I feel after? Then choose the version of you that your future self will thank you for. That’s how self-trust is built.

And honestly? Future You is probably exhausted waiting for you to stop overthinking and just start already!

- Kim