Your Worth Doesn't Rise and Fall on Other People's Choices

I'd like to tell you I've reached that unicorn stage of life where other people's opinions, choices and behaviour don't affect me anymore. That I'm floating through life like some enlightened monk-ess with perfect boundaries and emotional regulation.

Neither of these statements is true – especially right now.

Last week someone I love made a choice that completely threw me. Not because of the choice itself—but because of the story my brain attached to it. Within minutes, my mind had gone from "they made a decision" to "clearly I'm not important; I'm not enough." Honestly, my brain can turn one uncomfortable moment into an entire day of me going down a rabbit hole about my self-worth.

Here's what finally hit me. Other people's choices belong to them. Their decisions, reactions, priorities, timing and even their ability to love us consistently are reflections of where they are in their own journey—not a report card on who we are. Somewhere along the way, many of us started handing other people the keys to our self-worth. "Here... you decide if I'm enough today." What a terrible business model! My worth isn’t crypto!

For years I believed I had to earn my value. Lose the weight. Build the business. Be the perfect mom. Say yes more. Give more. Rescue more. Achieve more. Become more. Surely then I'd feel enough. Here's the irony: I can ride a bike up a mountain, build a business or 2, reinvent my life, advocate fiercely for the people I love...and that sneaky little voice still occasionally whispers, "See? You're still not enough." The voice is sneaky and familiar. But familiar doesn't mean factual. Sometimes our biggest bully isn't another person—it's the outdated story we've been telling ourselves for decades.

Maybe the greatest act of self-love isn't convincing everyone else to choose us. Maybe it's choosing ourselves first. Every single day. It's believing our worth doesn't rise and fall with someone else's decisions. It's understanding we can disagree without feeling rejected. We can be disappointed without becoming defeated. We can love deeply without abandoning ourselves. That's what freedom looks like.

So, here's your challenge this week. Think about when you've handed someone else the remote control to your happiness. A spouse. A child. A boss. A friend. Even that random weirdo on social media who still has a Hotmail email address 😊. Then take the remote back. Your worth was never theirs to manage. It has always been yours.

Because your life doesn't become extraordinary when everyone chooses you, it’s the moment you stop waiting for the world to tell you you're enough...and finally decide to believe it yourself.

- Kim